Ascension
by Chooser of the Slain
Summary: Buffy must make an important decision. Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Stargate SG-1.


_My note: for the moment, let's pretend that when someone ascends, they leave behind a body. I know this is not the case, but… Please, let me know what you think of this._

_The standard disclaimers apply. I don't own anything; it belongs to whoever created and/or owns the characters and concepts in question._   
  
  


**"Ascension"**

She'd failed. With the weight of the world on her shoulders, Buffy Summers had failed. 

The world was falling apart all around her. For a long moment, standing at the top of that uncertain tower, she was isolated from everything. She watched as the darkness was obliterated by the expanding portal, watched as that portal continued to pull down her world. Her eyes were drawn down, to the brilliant energy, to her friends huddled below that. 

Buffy turned to Dawn. Dawn was shaking, visibly, clutching at her sides. Tears were readily flowing down her pale cheeks. Buffy took a moment to consider Dawn. 

At fourteen, Dawn was already a little taller than Buffy. She had long silky brown hair, a pale tear-streaked face, and bloodshot blue eyes. She stood barefoot, wearing an intricate deep purple dress. 

Buffy remembered when Dawn showed their parents Buffy's diary, and they'd had her committed. Dawn had been a snoop, and a pain, and an aggravation, but she was still Buffy's sister, and Buffy loved her. 

She failed there too, failed to protect the younger girl from her world. "I'm sorry," Dawn sobbed. 

"It doesn't matter," Buffy responded. 

Dawn tried to push past her sister, tried to throw herself from the tower and into the hungry abyss, but Buffy caught her by the shoulders, and hauled her back. 

"What are you doing?" Buffy asked, giving the girl a worried, questioning look. 

"I have to jump," Dawn started. "The energy…" 

"It'll kill you!" Buffy exclaimed. 

"I know," Dawn said softly. "Buffy, I know about the ritual. I have to stop it." 

"No," Buffy argued. She'd failed to stop Glory's minions from using Dawn's blood to tear open a hole between dimensions. She'd failed to protect Dawn from that. She wouldn't fail to protect her now! 

"I have to. Look at what's happening!" Dawn shouted. It was almost impossible to hear her frightened voice over the howling wind, and the crackling of the energy beneath them. "Buffy, you have to let me go. Blood starts it, and until the blood stops, it'll never stop." 

"You know you have to let me. It has to have the blood," Dawn sobbed. 

Buffy turned back to the portal, a maw, waiting to swallow the world. She'd failed. She couldn't protect her sister. Her mind was consumed by these thoughts. 

Something brushed her shoulder… 

** 

Buffy looked around, surprised. She found herself back in her training room, in the back of the Magic Box. Everything was right where it was supposed to be. Even the punching bag. 

Maybe that was why everything felt so surreal. Everything was right where it was supposed to be, but, somehow, everything seemed dimmer. By contrast, she seemed to glow, her skin almost on fire. 

She turned, taking in her surrounding more fully, and that was when she noticed the strange man. He had short brown hair, and warm blue eyes. Like Buffy, he seemed to glow in the dimness of their surroundings. 

"Hi," the man said. 

"Are… are you like an angel or something?" Buffy stammered. 

"No," the man said, shaking his head and giving her a warm smile. "My name's Daniel. Daniel Jackson. I am… or I was an archaeologist." 

"Was…?" Buffy started. Then she stopped, wondering if she even wanted an answer to her question. What was she doing here? Who was this guy? Her mouth continued on auto-pilot. "You, uh, you got fired?" 

"No," Daniel said. "I know you're nervous, Buffy. Calm down. Relax. I'm not here to hurt you." 

"How do you know my name?" Buffy asked, her voice taking on a defensive edge. "I never told you my name." 

"I've been watching you for a week now," Daniel said, by way of explanation. 

"L-like a stalker?" Buffy asked. She started pacing back and forth across the small training room. Daniel shook his head, giving her an amused smile. "Then why are you here?" 

"I want to help you," Daniel answered, with a casual shrug of his shoulders. "It's called ascension, or enlightenment." 

"I don't understand… Why me? Is this some Slayer thing I didn't know about?" Buffy asked, confused. 

"No," Daniel said, shaking his head at her question. "It's not about a special destiny or anything like that. Anyone can achieve enlightenment." 

"But I'm not smart enough," Buffy started. "I…" She trailed off, unwilling or unable to finish her sentence. 

"It's not about how smart you are, Buffy," Daniel said, giving her an understanding smile. 

"What if… what if I don't think I deserve it?" Buffy asked, uncertainty tainting her voice, making it sound weak. She wasn't the Slayer here, she wasn't the Chosen One. She was Buffy Summers, an insecure girl filled with feelings of her own self-doubt. 

"You can't reach enlightenment, if you don't think you deserve it," Daniel said simply. 

"Then I'm screwed," Buffy said dejectedly, sitting down with her back to the wall. "I haven't done anything to deserve ascension." 

"Haven't you?" Daniel asked, sitting down next to her. He wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders. "You've overcome overwhelming odds more than once." 

"Yeah," Buffy said glumly. "That last math test was a killer." 

"You didn't do so hot on that one," Daniel reminded her. He smiled at her annoyed frown. She looked away. 

After a moment of irritated silence from the girl, he tilted her head, gently forcing her to look into his eyes. "You know what I'm talking about. Every battle you've fought, you've beaten the odds." 

"But I didn't have a choice!" Buffy argued, a note of despair in her voice. 

"And you think that makes those achievements meaningless?" Daniel asked. He was pushing her buttons, Buffy realised absently. He was trying to make her think about her life. Looking back, she couldn't help but dislike what she saw. 

"Doesn't it?" Buffy asked, frustrated, suddenly overcome by the feeling that her life was meaningless. "Everything used to be so simple. I was the Slayer, and that was it. See a vampire? Stake a vampire. I was the good guy, they were the bad guys. Now… now everything's complicated." 

With the portal opened up, the only way to save the world was for Buffy to let Dawn sacrifice herself, to kill her younger sister, an innocent. If she let Dawn kill herself, it would destroy her world – she wouldn't feel like one of the good guys anymore. If she didn't, then the world would be destroyed. 

"You want to know what Oma told me?" Daniel asked her. "The river tells no lies, though standing by the side of it, the deceitful man still hears them." 

Buffy frowned. "Huh?" 

"Yeah," Daniel said, giving the girl a wry grin. "I had no idea what she was talking about either. Ascension is about being honest with yourself. You have to accept who you are." 

For a long time, they sat there in silence, while Buffy contemplated the meaning behind Daniel's words. Was she really lying to herself? Was she being dishonest? Those questions only led to more questions, but, in trying to answer her own questions, Buffy found an understanding. 

"I was running away," Buffy said quietly. She glanced up at Daniel, an uncertain smile on her face. "I guess… I guess I was hiding. I never asked to be the Slayer. I never wanted it. I… didn't want to be responsible for everyone. It was too much, y'know?" 

"I know," Daniel said, offering her an understanding smile. 

"I was running away," Buffy repeated. "I was hiding behind my destiny. As long as someone told me what to do, who to slay, then… then somehow I wouldn't be responsible, if I failed. I was afraid." 

Buffy shook her head. "And now, with Dawn…" 

"You've been carrying that weight around for a long time, haven't you?" Daniel asked. "You have to release it, if you want to attain enlightenment." 

"Is that some kind of pun?" Buffy asked suspiciously. She gave Daniel a mock glare, before her eyes softened and a genuine smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "Everything I ever did was about me running away." 

"I can't run away anymore. I won't. I have to accept my responsibilities," Buffy said finally. Daniel pushed himself to his feet. 

Their surroundings seemed to shift. Now they found themselves in some kind of underground bunker. There was a long metal ramp, leading up to a huge metal circle of otherworldly design. There were strange symbols etched into an inner ring. 

"You're leaving?" Buffy asked, pushing herself to her feet. 

"The rest is up to you," Daniel said, offering her a comforting smile. "All I can tell you is that you can't be afraid of taking that last step, and you can't hesitate." 

"I understand," Buffy said. "I know what I have to do, and, and I'm not afraid. I'm not going to run away anymore. Thank you." 

Daniel smiled at her. He started to glow, brighter and brighter, until his body was lost in the radiance. 

She watched, wide-eyed, as Daniel turned into something amorphous, alien. Tendrils of light uncoiled to float gently all around her. She wasn't afraid. 

She smiled, as Daniel floated back, towards the metal circle. He disappeared into the circle, suddenly a shimmering pool of brilliant light. The last step was hers to take… 

** 

On the distant horizon, the sun was trying to rise, trying to climb into the sky for the beginning of a new day. 

Buffy felt a smile tug at the corners of her mouth. She turned back to her sister, giving her that same smile. She was at peace with herself. She found acceptance. She knew what she had to do. 

"Buffy! No!" Dawn protested, realisation twisting her face into a mask of horror. 

"Dawnie, I have to," Buffy said calmly, laying her hands on Dawn's shoulders in an effort to reassure her. This was the right thing to do. Buffy was sure of it. 

"No!" Dawn protested again, fresh tears spilling out over her cheeks. 

"Listen to me. Please, there's not a lot of time. Listen," Buffy said. "Dawn, listen to me. Listen. I love you. I will _always_ love you. But this is the work that I have to do." 

She turned away, looking down at her friends. Dawn's hand caught her by the elbow, unwilling to let her sister go. 

"Tell Giles… Tell Giles I figured it out. And, and I'm okay. And give my love to my friends. You have to take care of them now. You have to take care of each other." 

Buffy turned back to Dawn, gently prying her hand from Buffy's arm. She hugged her sister warmly. "You have to be strong. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me." 

Then, she turned away for the last time. She started to run. Time seemed to slow down, as she leapt from the tower, down into the waiting abyss. 

This was the right thing. This was the answer. The pain made her wince, made her scream, but it couldn't take away the sense of peace that now filled her soul. 

In her mind's eye, she saw the metal circle into which Daniel disappeared. She saw the brilliant shimmering light. She took the last step… 

** 

It was over. It was finally over. 

Xander was carrying Anya, cradling her gently in his arms. Willow and Tara were holding each other. Giles stumbled forward. Spike tried unsuccessfully to pull himself to his feet. 

As Dawn made her way down the stairs, she found them all staring at something. She followed their eyes. They were staring at the crumpled body, lying on the rubble. There was no life there. 

Dawn stumbled blindly over to Buffy's friends, to her friends. Giles wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders, and let her press her face into his chest, as she started crying again. 

She didn't want to see this; she didn't want to accept it. Maybe… maybe if she didn't look, she could pretend for just a moment longer that her sister was still alive, that she was still with them. 

Giles gasped, drawing Dawn's attention back to her sister's body. Dawn felt her own jaw drop. 

Buffy's body was on fire, glowing with an ethereal light of its own. The light became brighter and brighter, almost forcing Dawn to shield her eyes, but she forced herself to keep watching. 

Dawn watched as something escape Buffy's body, a shapeless light. Dawn watched as gossamer tendrils spread out to float gently, as if suspended in the warmth of an otherworldly ocean. 

Was this Buffy's soul? 

It floated there for a moment, and just watching it, being in its light, gave Dawn the feeling of safety, of security. Then it floated away, but the feeling remained. Everything was going to be okay… 


End file.
